17.

Dear blog,

I know I have not written here in a very, very, very, very long time, but something has been bugging me starting a few days ago. Well, it was on the most HOT topic amongst teens and young adults nowadays, Boy-Girl Relationship (BGR)

Well, to be frank, I'm not involve with this BGR thing now, but for the past few days, people have been keeping on telling me stories about good, healthy and successful BGRs. After going through my fair share of relationships, I notice that my focus on having a relationship was out of focus. It's was either I was being desperate or following my heart's desire, LUST. See, when I notice this, I tried to 'hinder' myself for BGRs, while trying to get my focus and purpose straight. So I came up with several questions which I need to answer first before getting involve in a relationship again.

1. What is the purpose of the relationship?
2. Like or Love?
3. Have I become the best guy God wanted me to be?
4. Are both parties ready for the relationship?
5. Casual or Committed?

I need to answer these questions first and of course, make sure what I am doing is going to glorify God.

Back to the main story, after listening and reading about these awesome BGR stories, it made me started to think back on my past relationships and what I saw was all my past relationships, are no where close to the standard of the stories I've heard. Gosh.. To be honest, I was a lil' jealous when I heard those stories, because I kept on thinking, "Why can't my story be like that?" Then I re-think and said to myself, "the time will come, where you story will be even more awesome than them." Well, that was just being positive.

See, sometimes I always get confused with my own feelings..! Can't you believe it?? I like a lot of girls..! Gosh! See this girl, like, see that girl, like. Man! Seriously I was starting to get tired. However, one particular girl did manage to catch my eyes.. Hmm.. Honestly, I find her to be different from the other girls. I can't explain what. To me, she just 'pop-ed' and rose above the rest. Now I just worried, either what I'm feeling is like or LOVE..? This I need to get straight with myself.. If it is just like then no point in wasting my time.. If it is LOVE, then I have to take actions.. See, right now, I've learned, I'm not looking for a girlfriend, but instead, a wife. I know some might think I'm too young to think such things, but trust me, the time will come and I just want to be prepared early.

A wife is not just someone who is there with you when you are all happy and calm, and when things starts to shake, they disappear. NO! This is the woman who will be by your side, through thick and thin, wealth and poverty, healthy or sick and so on. She will be the one next to you when you are raised high in the clouds and she will be the one next to you when you are pulled down in the dumps. Bottom-line, SHE WILL BE THERE FOR YOU FOREVER or till death do you part. See, this is why this decision is very, very important. You will be sharing your life with her, everyday of your life. And if you pick the wrong one, you will regret it. I need to know if she is the one. If she is my missing rib. If she is willing to stand next to me. If she is willing. If..

I don't want a relationship which only last a few weeks, months or years but ends up with a break-up and broken hearts. No good can come from that. That's why I never told her what's in my mind.. I do tell her I missed her dearly and I do joke around with her a lot.. But under all that, I'm trying to be sure about my feelings, and to be honest, I don't know if she knows what am I going through or how she feels about me. But I know my God's timing is perfect and when He has shown me His ways, then I take my step.

A part of me wants to tell her how I feel so badly but another part of me asks me to wait, and I've decided to wait, until I am sure about these feelings of mine.

Father, I am not sure about my feelings right now, but I am putting my complete trust and faith in You that You show me Your ways. Show me what must be done. Teach me o Lord to be the best guy that You wanted me to be so that I can guide my future family in Your love. Thank You Father for everything You've done for me.. Not my will, but let Your will be done. Amen.

peace out and stay awesome!